Keeping a Journal

So wow, it has definitely been a while since I've posted anything new. Life is definitely an interesting roller coaster, and to be quite honest I've been up and down quite a lot lately, and there has been so much going on, that just thinking about reporting it on my blog was just too overwhelming, but here I am again. Ready to somewhat start documenting as much as I feel like it, whats going on in the crazy mind of Natalia Wolfgramm. ITs funny because I actually just purchased a $10 journal from walmart, thinking that I should go back to the good old days when people use to pick up a pen and a notebook and write about their lives in their journals, and I did for a couple of days, but then just last saturday, I splurged on myself and bought myself my very own Ipad 2, which I'm really enjoying. So I downloaded a Journal app on there to electronically document my life, but now I'm presently on my blog, updating it with a new post. Its amazing all the many ways we have to keep a journal. I just sorta feel bad because now I have 3 different sources to turn to when it comes to recollecting my life, my thoughts may be a little scattered to gather for my future posterity. But oh well. I guess it really just depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel like physically writing down my thoughts but then sometimes I just want to type it out because its much faster. Anyways, i believe this very entry is pretty pointless and I should just end already. Good night!

Putting Yourself Out There

4/24/11

For some singles, the most nerve racking, and challenging thing to do is to put yourself out there. I being one of them, Since I was child, and being brought up as a well mannered girl, into women, or might you call it, Lady, I was taught never to chase boys. I was told to wait for the boys to come to you. Let them chase you for awhile, you never want to look like a dog, following after little boys. But nowadays, it’s a whole new ball game. Women now run the bases along with men. Women not only fry the bacon but bring it home, and in many cases not only in abundance but in high fashion. And because of that, it leaves girls like me who prefer the old fashion way stuck between trying to figure out, how to play this game, though it goes against everything they feel is right. Now some may say, that I just need to chill out, and live a little. And as time goes by I have come to see the downgrade in the value of women which is really disheartening and discouraging, but at the same time, I find wisdom in adapting to this modern way to a certain extent. I think it vital to hold on to my morals and as some may say, old fashion style of proper courtship, but also its imperative to know how to play the game of cats and dog and actually get dirty and play it. Now understand I don’t mean to endorse backstabbing, and home wrecking, style of getting a man, but knowing how to gracefully entice the opposite sex but in a tasteful yet still respectful manner that doesn’t make you compromise your values. First things first, We gotta stop believing that there is only one way to do things. We gotta stop feeling like it should ALWAYS be a man’s job to approach a girl. There is no harm in a girl approaching a man, if she knows how to do it in a way that’s not to bold, as to intimidate or deflate a man’s ego, but knowing how to relate to a man and leveling yourself to him in a way that compliments his being..Put yourself out there, and let him know you’re interested. Now if the guy gets in way over himself and over thinks of himself because of your approach, drop him. You didn’t put a ring on it and neither did he. It was just a test really to see what he was like. So we shouldn’t beat ourselves up thinking we did the unforgivable, and that we’ll now be labeled as “easy”. We’re not, and we never will be. We need to know that us being able to even approach someone is nothing to be ashamed of.  As long as we’re honest with ourselves and others, that’s what it’s all about, honesty.

I just put myself out there tonight while chatting with a guy on facebook. Was it sorta gutsy, yeah, but it was tasteful and not overbearing where I made it hard for him to breath. It was an enticing approach that was cute and curious but didn’t put me out there as desperate, (which I think is every girls nightmare, who is finding the courage to put themselves out there) After all I made him smile, and that’s definitely a good response. Now, is it gonna go anywhere? Who knows, maybe it will, maybe it won’t. The answer to that question lies in his favor.(Because I’m choosing to leave it there and let him run with it or not, I don’t really care) But even though the decision may be up to him I didn’t lose my pride in this at all. I simply walked thru a revolving door which either he or I can walk in and out of if we please. It’s comfortable, there’s no pressure or obligation. It’s a mere trial run and it’s ok if it doesn’t work. Our friendship will still abide and I know I can count on that. Maybe my move wouldn’t work in all cases but that’s why we, as the female, need to know to whom we are communicating with and know how to read what type of a guy he may be. In my case, my reading was right, and I know this guy is a honest, trustable dude that wouldn’t want to hurt me but also would be honest and fair with me also as I slyly made my move. Overall it was fun, and liberating for me. And no matter what the outcome, for now I’m not going to sweat it. We’re all humans and I know I’m just adding to the causeJ

Samani's Birth day

4/15/11

Tonight I had the amazing experience of witnessing two essential changes and novelties that affect the world. A heavenly spirit entered the body of a precious baby boy who was born before my eyes, who is now added to this earths’ human population. He will become somebody, someday. Who that is, I do not know, but there is possibility in all things. In that thought, this baby boy could be of great influence to the world, if even just a few, that’s still a change. Beyond this, I witnessed a young women turn into a Mother. What heavy responsibility that holds, what depth that covers. Just as the saying goes,’ the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world’. As much responsibility motherhood requires who better to carry that weight than a women. I thought it amazing to see my younger sister give birth tonight and instantly she was changed the moment that baby slipped out. As tears of joy were shed, and sweet moments to lovingly welcome this new comer to the hive, She began feeling the love only mothers will have for their young, and the want to hold them and keep them close. As before giving birth my sister was against breast feeding, but to my surprise here she was a couple of hours after giving birth, she took her new born baby, and held him close to her bosom and began breastfeeding. I guess it was a shock to us both. I am so proud tonight of my sister. She was amazing while giving birth, and she will make a great mother.  I know it. I love you sisJ and to my new baby nephew, I’m excited to be apart of your life and watch you grow.

My writing dilemna

                                                                                               11/17/10

I’m not even sure what to do anymore. I bought this computer with hopes of my writing situation improving drastically but it hasn’t. I was hoping that my creative juices would start flowing again and I would write like how I use to write when I was younger but it’s just not coming like how it used to. Maybe because back then, all I had was my dreams and I could elaborate and embellish them all day long. I wasn’t afraid to explore the unknown because that’s the whole addiction of it. The hopeful, adrenaline rush of so many possibilities right at the tips of my fingers was invigorating.  An exploration of the soul wasn’t scary because mine was brand new to the world and every emotion, experience, and situation it had to offer. Now as I’m trying to let the creative juices flow I’m stumped. And I fear to look inside the soul, or even try to dream again because of how cold the consequences of consideration, and hope which enables faith, inspiring courage, courage to wake up one day and fall in love. Without any sort of warning or caution a heart is given to another with hopes on top of the world, until one sequential day later, your heart, the very organ that sustains love, the reason of motivation for life, is broken, torn apart, embarrassed and empty, robbed of hope, pride and dignity. I’ll get over it someday but I guess that day is not today.;(

I'm glad to be single...

                                                                                                                           

I’m glad to be single. With everything I’ve experienced and witnessed so far, I’m thankful to be single. But I wonder if I’m really grateful or just glad that I’m not hurting anymore,  cause if I’m not hurting anymore, than that means that I’m not heartbroken anymore and if I’m not heartbroken anymore, I’m not helplessly in love anymore. So If I’m not in love, from now on I can control who I have feelings for and perhaps I won’t ever fall in love again, which will save me from my heart ever getting ripped apart ever again.

For so long, I was lost in this dream that I was waiting for someone to come into my life to follow, not only to love but to follow wherever he went, to be so subservient to his call and needs as a man, husband and father. I, his helpmate, his solace, his peace, his only, to love, hold, embrace and calm whenever the nerve would seek. But all this time, as I’ve patiently waited, if I am to have all those qualities to offer a man, why could not I solace myself?  I’ll decide to take the reigns from now on, and go wherever I please. I’ll lead my own way, and follow my own footsteps till that lucky man decides to veer me off my own pathway and carry me on his, so that I can be all that I am able to be to him.  I think that’s how it’s to work;-) I’m now content, never to be waisted on unfulfilled tears or unexpressed worries but the ones I’ll create for myself.

I’m exploring my singleness like never before. The realm of singularity has a wide range of possibility and I’m not stuck to anyone or anything but all my dreams. This is freedom, this is clarity at its fullest, and this is where I’m happy to stay for a while. Until some unveiled party comes along, enabling me to move any further as a lone agent, wanting to accompany me in all my explorations. Purposely slowing me down as children may join the journey, but who am I to complain as children are and have always been a part of the dream.

I'm new to this

Ok so, I'm really new to blogging but I'm excited to begin. Where to start I'm not quite sure but I just thought I'd begin by saying HeLLo! Not only to those who may read this, or to my fellow bloggers, or to just some random cyber surfers who may just come across my blog, or yet possibly to no one at all..lol.. but I say Hello to life, Hello to its up's and downs, and everything in between. I'm here to explore and experience everything life has to offer, and I'm excited to document my little incites or new found knowledge that I may feel like expanding on. Hello to you, who is reading this. Welcome to my world:)